an aversive stimuli

sakit
patah hati
terluka
kecewa
and all of the burden

aku mungkin sudah terbiasa dengan keberadaan itu semua
ada masanya di mana aku hanya membutakan mata ketika harus melangkah maju
dan ada masanya di mana aku hanya menulikan telinga ketika harus saling menyapa

kenapa ya, sakit itu memilih datang dan pergi terus menerus
sebenarnya apa yang ia cari?

aku rindu akan siasat malam merengkuh diri ini
menyembunyikan seluruh kepahitan yang hampir tertelan di ujung tenggorokan
membiarkan luka dan perih saling berpapasan lalu seketika itu juga lenyap bersamaan
namun aku tahu, ia hanya sebatas pada malam

ternyata semua tidak pernah semudah itu. sepi, sendiri, rindu, aku benci itu semua

apa aku masih sanggup untuk 5 6 tahun mendatang
menapaki hal yang sama berulang kali?
semoga pusing tujuh keliling tidak menghampiri
dan nestapa tidak menusuki
kalau tidak mungkin akan ada masanya di mana aku harus menyerah

menyerah pada kenyataan yang aversif.

c'mon mind

are you crazy or something? really you totally gonna crash my mind right now...what the hell are you doing in there huh?

please i need to rest for a while, don't be so hectic at time like this..it makes me spinning around like merry go round that won't stop.

and you, seriously you ain't doin something or what? just sit there say anything you use to say everyday without even notice how broke i am right now.

can't even imagine how i can stand for another time like this, it's kinda frustrating and exhausting. i need to go off, i need a day off but i can't and you know that. but all you did was nothing, in fact you're just making it worse.

silly me for holding on? i hope not. even i did say need to break free and lighten up my day, i can't get rid of imagining me without you. i think i am going to drown in a river of tears. hiperbol i know sorry tho..but i guess it's right

thanks for the support besties whoever you are. thanks for listening to all the crap i've been saying about these mixed thought. thanks for every stupid questions and damn good advices that slap me in the face. I love u, u guys know that (i hope)

well. please go okay, i need to be free for a while from things like these. Nite nightmares.

f*ck my daily routine

Well hello again.. Still the same old me

There's actually something going on in my mind, distracting and annoys me the past few days

I don't know why, it almost reaches the end of the semester and i don't think i do good enough this time. You know what? It's been crazy, and i am stuck for being lazy. Once i get my mood boost to do all the paperworks and etc all bad things happen and again make me feel exhausted.

Still going on with my bf, and still the same old stories, heartbreaks, fights, arguments, crazy thoughts over each other, ended up in silence moment. No contact no good responses no vibe to talk to him. It's no good, i know, but shits happen tho. And for the fact that it's getting harder each day can't get away. All i have to do was just face this longdistance thingy cause that's all i need, need this to never stop because of some silly stupid hard convo between us. I hope we won't ruin anything just because of our ego is stronger.

Can anyone find me a good favor to cheer my life? At least for a while.

Oh gosh i need holidays and damn vacation. I need air, to breath this whole crazy things. Fresh air on the beach, the sea and the sunset, the mountain, the fun things to do in any other places will be better, cause now i am drown in my own fucking boring tiring daily routine.

Kayy then bye, gotta read more chapter..