distance

late night posts as you know are always about sadness, broken heart, regrets and disappointment, pain, depression, grief, and else.

and what's goin' on my mind now is about all of those things.

it happens because of the distance i have now with someone i love.

distance does make the heart go fonder, and stronger as well. cause it is going to face a lot of things that may tear them apart, scater them into pieces, while everything else is pushing it to stay strong.

there are so many pain i bear everytime i am being disappointed. each stuffes that put me in grief causes depression. i don't know how long i can hold these tears anymore, cause sometimes blaming doesn't fix anything. in the end my heart will always be broken, crack by crack, stick through all the sadness.

i may regret hurting you, but are you too?

baby, don't make our heart fall apart, don't make our heart far from each other by distance.

:)

there is a question that keep buzzing me lately, 'are we there already, at the end, when over is better than anything else?'

again i would say 'i hope not'.

but how can i hold on to this kind of relationship, when my heart is bearing, facing tears over and over again, and all i have done was let my pillow be wet at night.

we used to tell stories, share problems, figure it out together. TOGETHER. but now? i feel left alone.

i don't even care anymore to keep it all inside eventhough i know i am hurting myself more and more just to keep your heart safe, just to keep your smile in your face, just to see you happy.

can you see how i suffer? i hope you can't, cause if you knew you'll be broke baby and it will be hard for both of us.

again, i choose to hid it. it is wrong i know, but i guess you did all the same lately. and i feel stupid not to recognize that earlier. i just hope you don't repeat my mistakes cause it is hurting, more and more, every second.

remember the time when i fell asleep at night and i found a voicenote in the morning from you?
remember the time when we talk about everything till morning came?
remember the time when i can say straightly how i feel cause i know you would understand and yeah you did?
remember the time when you asked me if i'm okay just by reading my post here a minute after i posted it?

you seem to know what happened to me before i even told you, you seem to know how to make me happy with those little things.
where those things gone dear?

now i remember how recently i sent you a voicenote and i didn't get any reply.
now i remember how we argued through the night and ended up ignoring each other.
now i remember how i am getting used to hide my feelings and saying 'i am okay' when i am not.
now i remember how i realize you haven't check my blog for a while, and you seem like you do not care to read it again.

that is what happening now. that is what going on between us now.
and that is not how it supposed to be.

can we fix this or over is better? :)