smiles

do i run out a smile?

i thought it will be easy as it seems. like most of people said. but don't you guys get it? it was never easy. it is not easy. some of them said, maybe i just need to wait. but the question is, 'till when? 'till i'm tired enough? or up to a point, where i could no longer move on. and in the end, waiting will be the only way.

if only i can say that i want to end this thing up. but my heart won't let me. and 'till now, all i know is, my feeling for him was never fading. yes it was never. but it always took me to a doubt. doubt to go on with this feeling. and now i'm not sure enough with myself. do i pretend? i hope not. 'cause even it hurts, much more than you know, i'm still here. standing here alone and wait for you. anything about you. waiting for you to text me (first). waiting to see you every weekend. waiting to hear your voice again. waiting for your hand holding mine. waiting for you.

i guess you will never understand how long it took me to stay strong. to stay up at night, just to have a conversation with you. even if we talk about absolutely.....nothing. to hold on to this kind of feeling, missing you every second. even i know, we're nothing. but i'm drowning in this feeling. and seems like i cannot swim back to the surface and let this go. i should've known, that it will never be easy. for you and for me.

but do you see my eyes? they won't lie. and all of my tears are hiding behind these. ready to fall down and waiting to be wipe out from my face. and here i am now. waiting for you, waiting to have another smile. because of you.