2012. :)

"a dream is a wish your heart makes...in dream you will loose your heartache"

-a dream is a wish your heart makes (cinderella)-

tahun ini, 2012 aku belajar banyak mengenai mimpi, cita-cita, persahabatan, keluarga, persaudaraan, cinta dan hidup. 

aku cuma manusia lemah. memang, hanya saja aku tidak menyadari. bahwa banyak di sekitarku yang bisa dijadikan kekuatan untuk bertahan dalam setiap luka. dan mereka semua tidak pernah hilang, hanya saja bersembunyi dalam diam. sekalipun memang ada dari mereka, sahabat, teman, kekasih, bahkan keluarga sekalipun hilang dan pergi, berlalu dan tak kembali. tapi yang harus kamu ingat, life must go on. dan aku sampaikan, Tuhan selalu ada. di saat mereka tidak ada.

tahun ini, terlalu banyak kisah yang aku lalui. mungkin sekilas bisa ku bagikan.

teringat di awal tahun, ulang tahunku yang ke-enam belas. telur, tepung, saus kacang, cendol, pasir. cupcakes, patrick star, dan semua yang membuat hari itu menjadi istimewa. thanks to my brother, my best friends, and my family.

lalu saat-saat penuh kegembiraan tawa dan canda. bersama kelasku, sepuluh dua. dufan. seharian. basah-basahan. lari-larian. dan langit senja. really miss that moment.

bertemu kangen dengan teman lama. sahabat lama. teman sepermainan sewaktu aku kecil dan menghadirkan kembali kisah-kisah lama. keluguan. kepolosan. tingkah anak kecil. a reunion with #15.

kenaikan kelas. menegangkan. kembali beradaptasi dengan sekumpulan orang-orang baru dengan berbeda-beda kepribadiannya. welcoming my new fam, XIA3.

kehilangan seseorang yang berarti dalam keluargaku. sosok yang bijaksana. sosok yang rendah hati. dan dicintai semua orang yang pernah mengenalnya. i've missed you so much, grandpa.

bersibuk-sibuk ria dengan segala macam kegiatan lustrum. membuat ku sedikit melupakan pentingnya belajar haha. melelahkan, teramat sangat. namun mengesankan. knowing the guys from the jesuit school.

menjadi seorang mentor. mengemban tugas yang sama sekali tidak mudah sebenarnya. tetapi sangat menyenangkan. jambore with asgard.

and last but not least. seorang yang mungkin sudah terlalu lama melewati waktu bersama. dan membuatku kembali percaya pada kata cinta. him.

tahun depan, 2013. aku hanya berharap semuanya akan lebih baik. akan lebih indah. dan akan lebih bermakna. lebih membuatku tersenyum. lebih membuatku melupakan kepedihan. lebih berharga. dan aku menyimpan mimpi-mimpi yang lebih banyak lagi. semoga menjadi kenyataan. o:)

dan ini video untuk membuatmu menyadari bahwa semuanya itu mungkin. simpan mimpimu selalu dalam hatimu.

1 hour and more

yak, malem ini sebenernya gw garing banget setelah selesai ulum gatau mau ngapain di rumah. refreshing dengan internetan seperti gak cukup. hahaha. akhirnya gw memilih online akun yang paling jarang gw buka, skype. dikit banget yang ol, tapi emang karena friends gw dikit wkwk. terus akhirnya gw memilih untuk nonton film yang disuruh temen gw. genrenya love comedy gitu, korea. awalnya gak niat banget tapi akhirnya pas nonton keterusan wkwk. yaudah nonton lah gw film berjudul, 100 days with mr. arrogant. cari aja di youtube. with english subtitle kalau gak ngerti bahasanya. haha.

sambil nonton sambil twitteran tentunyaa, dan back to my skype. yup he's online. chat sebentar ngelanjutin pembicaraan di bbm mengenai suatu rencana. dan akhirnya di call. yup, bentar sih and it was the first time. 1 hour and more.... :)

setelah jauh waktu berjalan

"aku punya langit cinta yang siap menghujanimu, tetapi kau malah merasa ada di atas awan. sayang, sambil kau acuh dan mengabaikan hadirnya aku di sini, maukah sebentar saja kau menoleh ke arahku untuk melihat betapa aku bodoh sekali?

aku tidak mengerti dan jadi lebih banyak bilang mengapa. terkadang entah, terkadang ya sudah. sekarang apa maumu? melihatku menangis menjerit-jerit tetapi sambil memberimu tepuk tangan? karena kau hebat, sayang. hebat. sadarilah tentang betapa hebatnya kau bersandiwara hingga aku jadi bahagia setengah mati!

kini ketulusanku telah kalah oleh kerinduanmu akan kesendirian. kau tidak jatuh cinta padaku, kau hanya jatuh cinta pada saat-saat yang indah bersamaku. setelah jauh waktu berjalan, berkali-kali siang berganti malam, ternyata aku hanya sesuatu, tetapi bukan siapa-siapa. aku bukan pujaan untukmu menantang apapun demi aku. aku hanya incaran bagi kau yang rupawan dan kebetulan suka tantangan."

dear zarry's - chapter 2 "Anak-Anak Tangga", page 65

he's just...

he's just the same. an ordinary guy. who is trying to find his best.

because...
he's not perfect. but i accept him for who he is.
he makes mistake. but he admitted his faults.
he's not here every moment. but i think about him every seconds.
he's not a joker. but he makes me smile when i am down.
he is far. but he stays in my mind.
he didn't give me any poetry. but he said it straight that he cares.
he keeps hang me in this relation. but he realize, it hurts me.
he is busy. but still missing me.
he's shy and quiet. but i admire his words.
he seems like an introvert. but his thought is mature.
he will change. but for his good.
he may not be worth fighting for this whole time. but there's always something that makes me hold on to this feeling.
he probably not the most romantic person. but he holds my hand tight and protect me.
he don't need to say sweet things. but his small attentions make my heart beats faster.

well...
he's not the best guy i've ever met. but now, he's all i want.

and because i know...
he's just a human. and no one is perfect.
he's just another guy. that can break my heart or keep it for true love.

i'm fine

"i'm dying"

"you're not dying, you're just hurt"

"why is it has to be this hurt?"

"it's because you're a human"

it just lines from a film. and it's true.

don't you ever be afraid to feel what is called pain.
don't you ever be afraid to feel what is called love.

it brings you to broken hearted. leave your heart shattered. into pieces.
it brings you to suffering. misery that continuously hit you.
it brings you to lies. many lies. even until you cannot tell, which is right and wrong.
it brings you to fight. fight your own heart. fight your own dignity.
disagreement between heart and mind. takes you on a never-ending madness. rebelled, as if they had never be in line. leave you with all the doubts that are present in your life.
until the end of the day, all you want to do is commit a suicide.

but actually, you just want to be free from your agony.
you just want to feel the happiness of love.
you're just tired of faking smiles. you're just weary lying to yourself.
you just want them to know exactly what your feeling is.
you want to stop acting like you're okay.
you want to make them understand that sometimes you feel lonely.
like no one cares. like nobody notices.

you feel like you're screaming. but all you can hear is silent.
you feel like you're a mess. when actually you just hurt.
you fall apart. you fall too hard. 'till you can't climb back to the top. and say you're just fine.
you keep hiding at the corner. even if your eyes are not able to stem the tears again. you will wipe away the teardrops. and again, let go all of the stress.

they just don't know what you've been through.
they just don't know that you're dying inside.
but you're still living.
'cause of the great pain that you feel this whole time.
prove you, that you're alive. that you are a human.

key to relaiontship

"seven keys to a great relationship : friendship, love, freedom, honesty, trust, understanding, and communication" -@damnitstrue

thinking about relationship these days, it seems like it's easily broken. but actually why? can it be fixed? of course it can. and these are (maybe) the keys to build a successful relationship.

friendship

well, of course, first of all it's friendship. to build a relationship, it always start with being friends with each other. the cycle, turns from strangers, friends, and sometimes it ends as bestfriends. from being friend with each other, we make our self understand others attitude, their daily life, their activities, their emotion, their favorite movies, songs, their hobbies, and any other things you need to know. when you want it to be more than friend. yes indeed, a couple. they both need to know each other well enough. and the main thing is, as a friend, you have to be there when they needed you. be there any time.

love

hah. this one. IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. right? of course you silly. if there's no love in each others feelings, how can you start to build a relationship? after all, it's all begin with this four letters word. L. O. V. E. love can bring joys, happiness, sadness, tears, cheers, laughs, broken heart and anything else. but first you feel it yourself. you know you can't deny it. you know you can't lie to it. to yourself. but if it's bring you into a relationship. when you both started to be a couple. efforts means everything to bring the love up. you have to 'push' and 'force' yourself not to make this one fading. don't stop chasing. don't stop trying. 'cause love will be worth it, after all.

freedom

here we go with freedom. do you like to be free? or you just want yourself to be captured and locked with your partners? no way. surely, you need this one. giving a space to your boyfriend or girlfriend is a must. 'cause sometimes, not all their times are ours. and vice versa, is not it? so, when they need their own time to be free with their friends, families, or they need spare time to do their own hobbies or activities, just let them. let go of your ego. and just give them what they needed at a time. 

honesty

this thing? one of the thing that usually broke your relationship if you don't have it. honesty and truth. two important things that cannot be separated. it's a must and it's all you need to build a nice relationship. do not ever lie to your partner, if you don't want to be hurt. just tell them the truth of all the things that happen between you both. everything that she/he doesn't know about you. even it is your past. your worst memories and nightmares. your feelings. your thoughts. your doubts. and everything that connected to you and your partner. just be honest about it.

trust

 have it. just have it. in your heart, in your life, in your feeling, in your relationship. trust is the kind of thing that can bring you to be a mature person. by giving them this key, you create your own happiness. after you giving them space, all you have to do is just believe in them. you will not easily worried about them. trust them that they won't break all of their promises. and never break your heart. in the other side, you have to keep the trust they give to you. keep your promises and your heart for them. 'cause once it broken, it will never be the same anymore.

understanding
ah ya. this one is also a key that brings you to have a nice relationship. a calm one. and a special one. she/he will remember your kindness and your sweetness if you did that in your relationship. you should and you must to understand them. by understanding their life, their situation, their condition, and their freedom, you ease yourself in the relationship. you just have to understand. and you won't make mistake and will avoid from small fights. both of you will create relationships that are easy to live, eventually.

communication
last but not least. as important as the other key. if you don't have it, well i guess it will be the end of your relationship. commonly, this will be the important benchmark from the beginning to the end of the relation. you start by talking to each other. say hello. get to know each other more and more. do the conversation by sending messages. texting or chatting. growing into an intensive phone calls. meet each other just to catch up what's going on with life. share stories. share feelings. share secrets. but when it's stop? you know how it ends. and all that happens and anything that you want, it takes only one. ie, comunicate with each other. so that won't be any misunderstandings in a relationship. between the two of you. but these days, don't let this thing comes true, 'cause what ever happen you have to face a real world. we don't live in a virtual world. like it once said, "relationships are harder now, because conversation becomes texting, argument becomes phone calls, and feeling becomes status messages" -damnitstrue.

so think about those keys. and try hard to make your relationship going well. 'cause to build a great relationship, you know it yourself. it is never easy.

foolish

foolish. this is what i feel right now.

i feel like i'm hiding behind all this pain. coming out with a smile, but simply, i'm lying. but if i can act the way i feel right now. it makes me drown back to the corner. sitting all by myself. without seeing the color of their world. full of sunshine. full of happiness. but me? i'll be ignored. i'll be forgotten. and i'll be lost and no one can even find where i am. cause i locked out the door and threw away the empty space for them to hug me or maybe just to listen i'm telling them what's wrong. i'll be blue. and turn out into black, white, gray. like an old photograph. blurry. and seems like i'm only a memory for them.

can you imagine how much it hurts when you are censured by millions mean words? no, you can't. until you experience it yourself. and it happened to me. sadly, i'm telling the truth. makes me wonder if i ran out from my house. go away, far far away. and no one there came out to chase me. not even 1. and i'll get myself lost in a middle of all the heartache. survive as strong as possible to not return back to the reality. and in the end, they'll just realized one thing. that i'm not even there. gone. no where to find.

once, they asked. 'are you tired?' or 'are you okay?'. hahaha. silly question. i don't think i need to answer that. cause if you know me, you'll find out by yourself. what is my feeling. and what is going on. but in reality, you just don't know who i really am. no, you don't and i don't think you will. do you know how much it hurts when your bestfriend said you don't need to be upset just when they saw you passing by? when they used to ask first what happens, sit next to you, listen to all you laments, give you advices, then hug you to make sure that everything will be okay. now, they won't be able to do that again. and i can't complain. i won't complain. cause i know, right now, they're just too happy with their own 'new' life.

and, here i am. being left with no one even know that i'm just too tired with my own life. i wanna change. but i don't know how. i'm kinda lost in the middle of my messy mind. full of problems. full of depression. full of pressure. full of stress. i just wanna stop for being fake. faking my own smile in front of them all. stop for being someone that they want me to be. i just wanna be free. feel free. free from all this heartaches. this pain which i finally realize it. quietly. one by one. each day, each hurt will continue to exist. how can i run away? how can i left all of this behind me? and going with the destiny of my life like there's nothing to be worried about.

they said, maybe i'm just too tired. but there's a question come out from my mind, every time they say that. 'what is actually made me tired?' life? friendship? family? relationship? activities? school? or all the things that i already mentioned? tired of everything. tired of nothing. now i just feel foolish. and i can't even control my own mind, my own feeling, and my own emotion. i don't feel like i lost my dignity. i just think that maybe they are not aware of where i am. i am not surrendering. no, i won't. but i'm going to step back. gradually arrange my circumstances, my chaos, and my tension, to return to the normal point of my life.

Gonz For Earth! ({})♥♥

well. jadi ini acara sekolah gw tercinta, Kolese Gonzaga. bersama dengan Seminari Wacana Bhakti. dalam rangka ultahnya yang ke 25, yaitu sama seperti angkatan gw, that's why angkatan gw disebut angkatan perak. sungguh pengalaman yang luar biasa. mulai dari persiapan dan serangkaian kegiatan lustrum ke lima ini. dan yang terutama Gonz For Earth ini, adalah malam puncak dari lustrum Gonzaga dan SWB.

gw bakal cerita lebih persiapan malam puncak ini semenjak tamu-tamu yang diundang dateng. siapa aja sih tamunya? gausah kepo. bakal gw kasih tahu kok. acara ini melibatkan nggak cuma sekolah gw doang, bahkan gak cuma dari kolese-kolese dalam negeri, tapi juga dari luar. kolese jesuit luar negeri yang diundang antara lain; Fordham Preparatory School, NY, USA. Wah Yan College, Kowloon, Hongkong. Scared Heart School - Ateneo de Cebu, Philippine. dan yang dari dalam negeri; Canisius College, Jakarta. John de Britto, Jogjakarta. Minor Seminary Mertoyudan, Magelang. Loyola College, Semarang. LeCocq de Armandville College, Nabire, Papua.

mereka ngapain aja sih? mereka bergabung bersama serangkaian acara music concert dan teater Gonz dan SWB, dalam permainan orkestranya dan menampilkan nyanyian-nyanyian juga paduan suara, serta permainan musik gamelan.

semenjak hari Sabtu, 29 Oktober hingga terakhir, hari ini, 5 November, mereka ada di sekitar lingkungan  Kolese Gonzaga dan Seminari Wacana Bhakti. menjalin pertemanan bahkan persahabatan dengan mereka semua walau hanya dalam kurun waktu kurang lebih seminggu. dan pada akhirnya berujung pada perpisahan selalu meninggalkan kisah yang haru biru. sampai-sampai sulit sebenarnya untuk diungkapkan.

gw sekarang galau, jujur aja. kangen banget sama mereka semua. waktu yang diluangkan mungkin singkat, tapi banyak cerita yang terukir di dalamnya. mungkin gak sama semuanya gw deket tapi gw merasa sangat kehilangan jejak mereka. mereka udah kembali ke rutinitasnya masing-masing di negara dan kotanya setelah seminggu stay in Jakarta, Indonesia. jujur mungkin lebay, tapi kangeeeeeeeeenn bgtnya sampe nusuk bgt rasanya. dan yang bikin nyesek adalah, kita bisa bener-bener kerasa deketnya beberapa waktu sebelum mereka pulang. itu rasanya aasdsfglskhfk. AAAHHH! oke, that's why gw bener-bener ngerasa kehilangan mereka. belom lagi ulangan yang susul menyusul di minggu ini-______- bete.

in the end, i just wanna say, goodbye friends! so long all you guys, my family from the jesuit colleges, it was a great moment i had with you guys last week and i'm very glad i had such a great and memorable experience and time that i spent with you. keep contact guys...i believe, one day, we'll meet each other again. love you guys...miss you really really much! :D:*({})♥

and i'll remember all of you guys! ♥

SAVANNA! :D

yakkk seperti yang kalian sudah tau, sekolah gw, Kolese Gonzaga mengadakan acara Lustrum Competition V : SAVANNA! dan yang pasti setelah kurang lebih selama seminggu mengadakan lomba berbagai cabang olahraga, seni, dan akademis, akhirnya acara ini ditutup dengan penampilan dari beberapa band dan lainnyaa..

gw sebagai seksi paling sibuk hari itu (sok banget sumpah yea), ya seksi acara, awal-awal udah dibikin bete sama orang sound yang bikin ngaret acara 20 menitan. tapi yaa udahlah ya, dibuka dengan sambutan kepala sekolah gw yang mengatakan bahwa Senin ini gw LIBUR! yeay banget woi (alhasil gw baru bangun jam 3 sore-_____-) kebo banget ya? maaf deh. setelah dibuka oleh Pater Koko, MC a.k.a Winda, Rey, Fani, Rikat, dan Mario, membuka acara dengan membacakan para pemenang lomba dari berbagai cabang dari SD, SMP, dan SMA tentunya. lalu acara dilanjutkan dengan penampilan pemenang audisi band dari Gonz, Owabonge, serta pemenang dance SMP dari Santa Ursula BSD. abis itu, sebagai bentuk compassion kita ngundang pengamen untuk manggung di acara kita ini. gak mau kalah, gw juga tampil di closing ini yea, bareng temen-temen gw, Monik, Raras, Keke, Winda, Clara, Raisa, Mitta, Leo, dan Gana (sayang Angie gak bisa ikutan), as Suara Gonzaga (Surga) yang bawain akapella 2 lagu berjudul Oh Ya! dan We Are Young. kemudian abis itu ada juga penampilan para anggota dance Gonz kelas 12 yang disusul dengan penampilan band-band pemenang audisi dari luar band alumni, dan band featuring seperti, Rezzemair, The Social, GunVein, Fresh and Cool, dan Mints. dan sebelum break maghrib, acara dilanjutkan dengan penayangan film karya anak Sinezaga berjudul Invicible.

setelah break, lapangan yang sempet kosong diramaikan dengan para siswa-siswi Gonz menampilkan suatu gerakan secara beramai-ramai bersama dengan cheers senior, yak, FlashMob. lalu keluarlah penampilan dari para artis...

yang paling seru gila dan asyik banget menurut gw tentunya adalah penampilan dari Soulvibe, yang lagunya udah sering banget terngiang di kuping gw dan enak enak banget parah sihh..

terus Soul of Magnolia yang genrenya gw suka, enak dan tenang gitu dengerinnyaa...

lanjut setelah itu ada penampilan dari TOR, band yang emang jiwanya di musik banget, dan permainan musik mereka yang kerennya gak ketolongan..

setelah ketiga artis tersebut tampil, dilanjutkan dengan penampilan dari Aditya, yang sebenernya lagunya gak banyak gw tau, tapi so far gw denger kemaren, nice performance...

penutupan oleh The S.I.G.I.T yang tentunya udah banyak yang tahu ya genre lagu mereka apaa..keren sih, aksi panggungnya juga wow banget, tapi sayangnya gw kurang suka dengan genre mereka hehehe..

setelah penampilan kece dari semua artis itu, acara benar-benar ditutup dengan nyanyi Mars kebanggaan, Mars Kolese Gonzaga yang setelahnya........... *DUERR* yup...FIREWORKSS! 

ya itu sebagian dari penampilan closing kemaren. yang gak dateng nyesel sih sebenernya pasti wkwkwk makanyal, next event kalian harus pada dateng yaaa!

btw, gw dapet tanda tangannya personil Soulvibe :P (pamer dikit)

should i hold on?

still confuse? yes, i am. i don't know how to say this, but it is complicated. too hard for me to take, to hard for me to play with this feeling. it hurts, much more than you ever thought. maybe you can say, "yaudah tunggu ajalah dis". as easy like that? no, it's not. it is waaaaaaaay harder than that. cause when you're in my position, i bet you will think and act the way i did these whole time.

like this week, 4 days of 7. it just............ugh. can't describe. happy? yes. but it just like that. and one time, that should be a special moment, just disappear like a wind blew away. because i can't meet him up. i can't see his face, those eyes, and those smiles. and what makes me harder to accept the truth, is that this thing, happened twice. like last year. :")

well, as usual, all i can do is just writing on a piece of paper, or using notes app in my phone, doodling your name, and wondering all of the what-if(s).

"kadang bertahan itu menyakitkan...

kadang bertahan itu luka...

pedih, menyeruak dari lubuk hati terdalam

bahkan suaraku tenggelam di dalamnya

membisu, hingga hati berdusta lagi

menangis, hingga tiada henti mengalir

menuruni lekuk wajah yang dirundung duka

menyusurinya bersama hening

aku hanya diam.. tak mampu bertindak

aku menjadi pasif.. tak mampu mengungkap

sakit ini terus menggema

membuatku menjadi tuli akan teriaknya..

lagi lagi aku melangkah mundur..

membiarkan diri hanyut

terbawa pergi oleh arusnya dalam luka"

a whole new...

hey you guys. di awal bulan Oktober, was such a great experiences I had. now let me tell you then...

1 Oktober

semua orang Indonesia harusnya juga tahu ini hari apa. Hari Kesaktian Pancasila. dan baru kali ini Gonz ngadain upacara untuk ngerayain ini. dan tentunya upacara gak lepas dari kegiatan komunitas anak Gonz yang udah dikenal seluruh komunitas Gonzaga, PASKIB. yup, it was the first time for "calang paskib".  tugas pertama mereka, menggantikan 17an yang waktu itu gak dirayakan. setelah kurang lebih satu bulan setengah, gw dan teman-teman paskibra #25 melatih mereka di bawah komando Randy dan Natha, kita melatih 40 calang. yang kadang kala juga didampingi sama pengawas, paskibra #24. btw, posisi gw digantiin sama kanya sekarani, ade kelas gw dulu di PL di barisan inti paling depan, sebagai patokan hehehe.

setelah latihan subuh seperti gw dulu, ke ruang ganti. dan saat mereka ganti, terlintas satu kata. kangen. ya gw dan temen-temen paskib kangen tugas banget. pengen lagi. tapi udah bukan saatnya yaa :"). jadi, gw sebagai salah satu pelatih, deg-degan parah. ternyata oh ternyata dengan sedih hati gw katakan, mental mereka belum kuat, belum siap. dan hasilnya? kalian bisa menilai sendiri. yang pasti tersirat kekecewaan yang mendalam, terutama di mata pelatih. padahal gw akuin, gladi resik mereka rapi banget dan saat tugas perdana itu, wuuuusshh hilang terbang entah ke mana. kejadian tahun lalu terulang lagi, posisi gw dan teman-teman paskib #25 di tangan mereka sekarang dan kita ada di posisi sebagai pelatih. kejadiannya seperti apa, gw gak pantas untuk menuliskannya dan cukup gw simpan dalam hati. yang pasti gw gak akan tega Randy-Natha digituin lagi (yea pasti pada kepo :P). oiya di upacara kali ini dibacakan penerima penghargaan juara kelas di mana dengan beruntung gw satu di antaranya dan juga penerima cumlaude, magna cumlaude, sampai suma cumlaude, serta siswa tercompassion per kelas. lumayanlah dapat 2 batang chunky-bar siverqueen yang habis dalam sekejap sama temen-temen XIA3 dan anak-anak gw, Asgard.

3-6 Oktober

dimulai dari 4 hari yang lalu, kira-kira pukul 6 pagi komunitas Gonz angkatan #25 dan #26 udah berkumpul di hall siap berangkat naik tronton ke Jatiluhur. mau ngapain ya 2 angkatan di sana? gak perlu bingung, karena gw bakal ceritain kok.

JAMBORE XXIV. ya, itu kegiatan yang gw dan teman-teman #25 persiapkan sebagai panitia, diketuai Bagas, untuk mereka peserta jambore kali ini, angkatan #26 + Natasha dan vetjam, Leo. sampai bingung mau mulai dari mana, haru biru suasana ramenya di sana masih kerasa banget nih sekarang. kalo waktu bisa diputar-balikan mau banget bangetan loh jalanin lagi semuanya dari awal.

jambore itu emang diadakan di Gonz setiap tahun dan memang berlangsung kira-kira di bulan Oktober. tema Jambore 24 kali ini "NO ONE GETS LEFT BEHIND", dimana kita juga menjunjung core value tahun ini, compassion. di sini kita semua dituntut untuk peduli dan peka terhadap segalanya, dimana gak boleh ada seorang pun yang tertinggal. nah kali ini #26 dibagi ke dalam 15 kelompok yang disebut dengan kerajaan. kerajaannya itu, Sparta, Asgard, Atlantis, Euphoria, Konoha, Elysium, Devotion, Persia, Olympus, Avalon, Dragon-fire, Majapahit, Romawi, Amber, dan Vortex. gw sebagai mentor, dan pasmen gw Ibas, mendampingi kerajaan 2, Asgard. dimana anggotanya adalah, Vodie, Angel, Grieska, Nicko, Adit, Nadiva, Raqa, Jose, Aris, Irena, Marcel, Dhipta, Adri, Samantha, Agung, dan Kirtti. dari awal kerajaan ini udah bisa buat gw tersenyum bangga, mereka kompak dan gak susah adapatasinya. kayaknya semangat banget gitu buat jambore. temu kerajaan(muja) pun berlangsung selama beberapa kali dalam kurun waktu kurang lebih 1 bulan. mempersiapkan segalanya, mulai dari nama kerajaan, yel-yel, atribut dan segala barangnya. hingga tiba tanggal keberangkatan kita semua. dan serangkaian kegiatan pun dimulai.

seluruh kegiatan berjalan lancar, sekalipun sempat ada sedikit kendala karena cuaca. penanaman nilai-nilai dari berbagai permainan ataupun serangkaian kegiatannya lainnya seperti hiking, rafting, solo night, dll. pengalaman yang gak terlupakan dan kebersamaan yang bakal terus terasa, inilah yang membuat gw sangat mencintai kegiatan jambore. apalagi pas gw dan mentor-mentor lainnya, yaitu orang-orang terpilih yang gila setengah mampus (lebay yea), Hugo-Raras, Gana-Vanessa, Patrick-Monik, Jote-Celine, Jerry-Napit, Ariko-RarasK, Ondy-Vevi, Leo-Kana, Dodot-Kanya, Christian-Angie, Radit-Tari, Dargo-Dinda, Rian-Chatrin, dan Indra-Alea, menampilkan yel mentor yang gak tau malu dikit gituloh #eaaa hahaha.. yaa intinya jambore itu ngangenin sangat ngat, banget nget. kalo ditanya mau lagi? MAU BANGET, gak mungkin gak. pas pulang naik tronton itu rasanya..........nyess ada yang hilang gitu, kosong melompong. dan rasanya bener-bener "udah nih? udah selese? ciyuss? mi apah? (wkwk)" oke, seperti tahun lalu, kita dateng dari sana ke Gonz berkumpul di hall dan menyanyikan mars Jambore 24 ini yang lagunya adalah "marilah ke mari" :

(tori-tori)

ayo semuanya, siap beraksi, atur posisi...

*BUM TAS BUM TASTASS*

marilah Jambore hey hey hey hey...Gonzaga

Jambore di sini hey hey hey hey...Jatiluhur

ada hiking tracking dan juga rafting

tidurnya solo night, bikin bivak~

ayo angkat carriernya, ayo cepat bikin tenda

kita buat suasana jadi hepiiii...

panas matahari tak masalah~

hey...hey... *brrrrrr*

(makarena)

Jambore Jambore 24

Jambore Jambore Jatiluhur

Jambore Jambore 24

heyyyy rame-rameee!

*YIHAAA*

(koboi style)

dan begitulah, kita lanjut nyanyiin mars Jambore 23, angkatan gw tahun lalu dan disambut juga dengan beberapa angkatan #24 yang menyanyikan mars Jambore 22 hehehe. seru parah. dan setelah itu, di hall kita muja 'terakhir' pasca Jambore................sedih woy sedih. tapi yaudah. gw dan Ibas yang dipanggil sama mereka dengan sebutan 'mommy-daddy' (HAHA) pun menyampaikan yang terakhir buat anak-anak kerajaan kita berdua, "gw sama Diska cuma minta satu hal, buktiin ke kita, bahwa apa yang ditanemin selama Jambore ini gak cuma terlaksana sesaat dan di mulut doang" -Ibas. rasanya mau nangis terharu pas mereka tiba-tiba bareng-bareng ngomong "MAKASIH IBAS MAKASIH DISKA..." :"D. terus kita sempet foto kerajaan buat terakhir kalinya dan tos buat terakhir kalinya juga.. "3..2..1.. ASGARD! Dengan kekuatan petir...jeder jeder jeder!!" :D

thankyou panitia Jambore XXIV, #25. thankyou novi dan yunita (dokum+p3k Asgard). thankyou Ibas, pasmen gw. thankyou ASGARD!({}). thankyou peserta Jambore XXIV, #26. thankyou GONZAGA♥♥.

"who's left behind? NO ONE!"

smiles

do i run out a smile?

i thought it will be easy as it seems. like most of people said. but don't you guys get it? it was never easy. it is not easy. some of them said, maybe i just need to wait. but the question is, 'till when? 'till i'm tired enough? or up to a point, where i could no longer move on. and in the end, waiting will be the only way.

if only i can say that i want to end this thing up. but my heart won't let me. and 'till now, all i know is, my feeling for him was never fading. yes it was never. but it always took me to a doubt. doubt to go on with this feeling. and now i'm not sure enough with myself. do i pretend? i hope not. 'cause even it hurts, much more than you know, i'm still here. standing here alone and wait for you. anything about you. waiting for you to text me (first). waiting to see you every weekend. waiting to hear your voice again. waiting for your hand holding mine. waiting for you.

i guess you will never understand how long it took me to stay strong. to stay up at night, just to have a conversation with you. even if we talk about absolutely.....nothing. to hold on to this kind of feeling, missing you every second. even i know, we're nothing. but i'm drowning in this feeling. and seems like i cannot swim back to the surface and let this go. i should've known, that it will never be easy. for you and for me.

but do you see my eyes? they won't lie. and all of my tears are hiding behind these. ready to fall down and waiting to be wipe out from my face. and here i am now. waiting for you, waiting to have another smile. because of you.